And because I am a big dork:
Eighteen weeks!
Check out that bell-ay. I am amazed every day at the rate in which my stomach is expanding. It’s a little freaky and I’ve started to get a wee bit concerned about stretch marks. I’ve been slathering myself with a yummy rich body cream from Origins, but does anyone have any other suggestions?
I’ve also started feeling the baby moving around. It’s totally wild. I can feel it best when I’m laying flat on my back. At first it just kind of feels like a weird pressure buildup in one area of my abdomen, below my belly button. But when I have my hand on my belly and he/she really gets going, I can actually feel the shifts and the rolls and the occasional distinct “bumps” from a hard kick. Last night I swear this kid was doing somersaults in there. Hawk was joking that the baby must be a girl because nearly every time I call him over to feel the kicks, he can’t feel it. He says, “She’s already defying her father. This does not bode well.” He did feel it last night though. Maybe it’s a boy 
Feeling my baby move has brought with it a whole new sense of reality. For four months I’ve thought, “Yep, I’m pregnant,” with not much to show for it other than a bloated-looking belly and a craving for Nachos Bell Grande. It’s almost been an abstract thought with ultrasound pictures to back it up every few weeks. But the first time I felt the baby move it was like, “Oh! You ARE in there!” There is a totally separate being living in my belly. Holy. Crap.
The movements also have given me more of a chance to feel connected to our little one. I love laying there, with my hand on my belly, quietly waiting to feel something. For a long time I feel the usual stomach gurgling, gas bubbles and then when I’m about to give up…*tap*. I smile and say, “Hi, sweetheart”. In these moments I am filled with such an overwhelming feeling of gratitude. I am so blessed, for so many reasons. I am blessed with the chance to be pregnant, to feel this life growing inside me, to nurture it as best I can (I promise there is much more to my diet these days than the aforementioned Nachos). And I see it as a blessing that surviving the pain of two miscarriages has allowed me to feel this gratitude all the more deeply. Would it have been so present if I hadn’t had those losses? I’m sure it would have to some degree, but I don’t know if it would be as intense.
Sixteen weeks!
Had another ultrasound this morning and all looks awesome. I can’t believe how much our little peanut is growing. It’s so amazing how we can now see all the bones - spine, ribs, fingers, arm and leg bones. He/she was doing lots of waving and kicking and wiggling. I can’t *quite* feel it yet, although there has been a flutter or two that I haven’t been able to dismiss as gas
In belly news, it’s freaking huge. I have officially moved up to my first pair of maternity jeans (which the ultrasound tech today chuckled at because she says I’m going to outgrow them in no time) and I finally feel like I look pregnant. Also, my boobs are enormous. I actually tried to go buy a new bra the other day, but the girl at Victoria’s Secret was trying to convince me that I was actually a 32B instead of the 34B that I am currently spilling out of. So instead I left and went to Mrs. Fields and bought myself a cookie.
I’m really doing great. It feels good to be able to say that after everything Hawk and I have been through these past three years. I finally feel like I can (knock on wood) let my breath out and really just enjoy being pregnant and not have to worry all the time that the other shoe is going to drop. I know that a lot can and will happen between now and January, but I am just going to take it as it comes. Our baby looks wonderfully healthy so far, thank goodness. I feel so blessed, so lucky to be where I am right now, to being having this experience, to be sharing it with my husband and my family.
In the past couple weeks I have weaned myself off of the anti-depressant I had been taking since last September. I could have taken it through the second trimester, but I decided I was ready. So far so good - I had a couple days where I felt my anxiety level creeping up, but it passed. It certainly helped seeing the little one today - the beating heart, the kicking legs, the HANDS. Too cool.
Plus I’ve started nesting. Ordered the crib and changing table, spent half an hour on the phone with my mom poring over crib bedding online. It’s starting to get more exciting and more real. Man, I’m having a freaking baby!!
We had a lovely weekend in New Mexico visiting my in laws. They have a beautiful home and we spent lots of time relaxing outside. This also included trying out Nick’s new air rifle (lots of shooting at soda cans and cactus). Danielle and Lawrence have this gorgeous covered patio, so even when it rained cats and dogs on Saturday, we could sit outside and enjoy. Apparently they’ve gotten quite a bit of rain the past couple months and I’ve never seen it so green out there. Mostly, it was just nice to see Hawk so happy being with his family. They are truly wonderful people and it was great to visit with them.
Back in March, I submitted a picture of Jenny to A Dog’s Life dog treats. Every few months they choose a couple user-submitted photos to put on the label of their bags, and I found out a couple days ago that they picked the one I sent in!
The folks at A Dog’s Life were nice enough to send us a free bag of treats and they have definitely gotten the Daisy and Jenny seal of approval - i.e. I gave them one and they immediately licked their chops and begged for another. The “Jenny” treats are actually available in some stores, so keep your eyes peeled!
