I bought my first baby clothes yesterday. They are the teeniest, sweetest things you ever saw.
Because this will be a rock and roll baby, I bought this:
And because I am so gaga in love with his father, this:
As the cashier rung up my purchase, I had to fight off this feeling of dread, like I was doing the wrong thing, somehow jinxing the baby. But as I thought about it more, I think that feeling was just a stupid defense mechanism. By buying baby clothes, I was taking a risk in letting myself get excited, letting myself hope. Letting myself care. By denying my happiness, I think I’m protecting myself from pain later, if I should miscarry.
But that’s stupid. It would hurt like hell no matter what. And I DO care, and I AM excited, so why shouldn’t I buy my baby some adorable clothes?
Take that, stupid voices in my head. I win this round.
I’m so glad to read this. No point being sad till you have a good reason. (Cool shirts!)
hey miranda –
it’s cat, aaron’s girlfriend. i bookmarked your blog SO long ago when i stumbled on it while looking for your candle shop website. congrats!! the baby clothes are too cute.