We had our follow up ultrasound this morning and the news is not good. My gestational sac did not grow as my doctor had hoped. It had barely grown at all, in fact. We could see a yolk sac inside it, but no embryo. He wants me to come back next week to make sure, but he said that he’s pretty much positive that I’ll miscarry before he even gets a chance to do another ultrasound. I called to set up a new appointment with the fertility specialist and his nurse told me that if I stop taking my progesterone supplements, it should only be a couple days before it starts.
I’m sad of course. I’m sad for myself and the fact that I have to go through losing a baby. I am so sad for my husband. I had really wanted this for us. He’d be such a good Dad (and he will, one day). I am sad for our baby, who tried as hard as he could but didn’t have a chance. I’m sad for our parents and brothers, who were so excited to welcome a new member of the family.
But at least now I know what I have to deal with. I can mourn and cry, and then move on. I’ll never forget my first little guy. I learned a lot over the past two weeks, and I know what I want to do differently next time. Mainly beat the voices in my head into submission early and often. And enjoy every second of it. Over the past couple days I’d been talking to the baby and singing to him, and that felt really good. I’m glad I got to do that.
oh, i’m so sorry