My super-secret weekend surprise turned out to be an overnight in San Luis Obispo, with a stay at the Madonna Inn!! I’ve wanted to stay there ever since college when I started driving back and forth between Santa Cruz and L.A. It sits on a hill above the 101 like a big white wedding cake or something. Until now, the most I’d ever done was stop there to use the bathroom on a road trip.
Hawk had the whole weekend planned out so well. First, we stopped at Montana de Oro state park. It was so beautiful. To get to the beach, you drive through a forest of eucalyptus trees, and when they clear, this is what you see:
We took a walk down to the shore and walked along the rocks, which had the most amazing striations carved into them by the water, and they were so smooth. I took off my shoes and walked around on them, checking out the tidepools, but couldn’t find any critters.
After the park, we drove to Morro Bay and had lunch at the Bayside Cafe, right on the water in this teeny marina. To top it off, it was an unseasonably warm day for central California, so we sat outside and enjoyed the sun and all the Monarch Butterflies, which live in the area during the winter.
THEN it was time to check into the hotel. I was so excited. I should’ve known I was in for a treat when we got there and went to register:
Come with me, won’t you, into the fantastic tackiness that is the Madonna Inn?
THIS is what greets you upon entering the hotel:
A blinding EXPLOSION of christmas lights, baubles, santas, motorized elves and god knows whatever other shiny things. In this picture, I think you can see, towards the back, some people sitting down. Because this picture was taken at the entrance to the Madonna Inn steak house. That’s right, people EAT in there. I don’t know how they manage, what with all the seizures all those twinkling lights must cause. People must choke on their prime rib all the time.
I couldn’t wait to see which room we’d gotten. Hawk said that he wanted the gaudiest room they had, and oh baby, did he get it right. Our room was the Cloud Nine room, decorated in pink and gold with GOLD GILDED CHERUBS all over the place.
There were cherub lamps on the bedside tables. There were cherubs on the bedspread. There were cherubs on the wallpaper.
There was a cherub chandalier:
Then there was the yellow bathroom. But please note the pink flowered pattern on the toilet:
The Madonna Inn has a pink fetish. From the robes:
to the SUGAR:
There was nothing remotely tasteful about the place at all. Every conceivable surface was covered with flowers, or fruit, or a pattern of some type. And boy were we lucky it’s the holiday season, because that made it ten times worse (or, should I say, better?)
The ostentatiousness continues, even in the bathrooms. The Madonna Inn is famous for it’s urinals. That’s right. Urinals. Check it out:
Hawk snuck me in to the men’s bathroom so I could see it for myself. You step up to the basin, and the waterfall starts flowing. The coolest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. I want one in our house.
Here’s Hawk contemplating the fantastic display of tackiness:
After we checked in, we went into downtown SLO and walked around, stopped at a pub and had a couple beers with an aging hippie named Jim, then had dinner at a lovely little italian place.
Later, we went back to the bar in the hotel, and enjoyed a glass of wine while gleefully watching guests from a wedding get shitfaced and try to dance. We kept waiting for Drunk Guy to vomit on his date, or for Drunk Chick to fall over on the dance floor. Alas, neither happened (at least while we were sitting there). There was also a disturbing trend of cowboy hats with sports coats, and young women wearing lovely dresses with granny shoes, which made it look like they had cankles.
The next morning, we got up, had a delicious breakfast at the hotel cafe, then headed home.
I can’t tell you how much I needed that weekend. After everything we’ve been through together the past couple months, it was so great to be able to have fun, just the two of us. Hawk thought of everything and made it so special. I am such a lucky woman.
