The Good:
I went shopping today and actually found clothes I liked! Woo-hoo! Thank you, Banana Republic!
I’d been experiencing a bit of frustration lately because I hated everything I saw, online or wherever. There are few things that irritate me more than wanting to spend money on clothes and not being able to because everything sucks.
Also, I’ve been in contact the past couple months with an old friend of mine over MySpace, and today she sent me a really sweet message that let me know that she never stopped thinking about me and what good friends we used to be. It almost made me cry, because, despite a lot of problems that she and I had, I’ve never forgotten about her and think about her all the time. It made me feel so good to know that she feels the same way. We’ve agreed to meet for coffee or something when I’m up in Nor Cal for Christmas and I am really looking forward to it.
The Bad:
Started bleeding heavily again today, the day before I was supposed to go in for my last (hopefully) HCG test. My doctor wants me to come in for the blood test, but is also going to do an ultrasound to make sure that he can’t see any lingering tissue in my uterus. I can’t believe it’s taken this long. I don’t even know what to say about it anymore.
I guess all in all this is a good thing, because I think it’s my body giving one last push to get all that stuff out. One step closer to moving on, I hope. But it’s scary because at this point I feel like I’m going to bleed forever. It’s been nearly five weeks - not of constant bleeding, mind you, but more bleeding than I am personally comfortable with.
I’m also trying not to take it as a sign that my body is just messed up, that anything that can go wrong will go wrong, and that the fact that it’s taken so long means that there’s some larger underlying problem that will prevent me from having a healthy baby. My doctor told me that this isn’t the case, that there could just be a microscopic piece of placental tissue in there still producing HCG and causing all the trouble. He says worst case scenario is that he does a D&C, but he doesn’t think he’ll have to, that there won’t be enough left in there for that to be the answer. He apologized that it’s taken this long, and promised that it will be resolved as soon as possible, maybe even tomorrow.
The Ugly
This dress. What was she thinking??
