Sorry for the lack of posts lately, I know it’s been almost a week since I posted, but I got nothin’. We had a nice weekend, saw some friends… I bought some eyeliner… gave the dog a bath… that’s pretty much it.
Not much else going on with the fertility front either. As of last Friday, my HCG was still 6.1. Yep, eleven weeks after my miscarriage, it’s still 6.1. According to Jane, the nurse at my doctor’s office, 5.3 is considered normal, so I’m very very close, but at the rate the hormone is dropping, I’ll see 5.3 sometime next week.
Surprisingly, when she called me with the blood test results (telling me, “I didn’t even want to CALL you, you poor thing”), I wasn’t distressed about it. I had gone in for the blood draw with absolutely no expectations, so I wasn’t shocked or dismayed when she called to give me the number. It was a different story with the blood test ten days before, sure that THAT test was going to be the absolute last, and it was like 9.3 or something. I had a total tantrum on the phone with Hawk, complete with tears and lots of “It’s not FAIR”s.
One of the hardest things about the past several weeks of HCG monitoring has been my worry that the molasses-like drop says something negative about my overall reproductive health. That it means that my hormones are totally messed up and that I’ll have a hard time conceiving again, or won’t be able to have a healthy pregnancy. But for some reason, over the past, oh say, five weeks or so, I never actually asked the doctor if this was really the case. So when I talked to Jane on Friday, I asked her. “Does this say something horrible about my body?”
She told me that this is not the case at all. They have had patients (albeit a very few - lucky me! I’m rare!) who have had the same thing happen, and who have gone on to have healthy pregnancies. It’s just that everyone’s body is different and everyone processes the hormone differently. She told me that I will be just fine. That’s all I needed to hear. I don’t know why I waited so long to ask, because I felt much better having done so.
The way I’m thinking about it now is that my body has just needed the extra time to heal, and so has my heart. When we start trying to get pregnant again, it’s going to be stressful and emotional, and I’m going to need to be strong. Looking back at it now, there’s no way that I would have been ready to start trying again right after my miscarriage. I’m grateful for the time that, it turns out, I really needed. Now I can be ready for what comes next.
getting strong is good ~ i’m working on that before we try again but am hopeful that soon i will feel up to it … hang in there, i have a feeling all will work out as its supposed to
I think it’s amazing that a body works correctly in the first place with all of the things we go through.
Things will work out for you so that you and your body are ready to start again.