Had my follow up ultrasound this morning. Although there was growth of the gestational sac, it wasn’t enough, and there was no sign of an embryo or even a yolk sac. A subsequent blood draw showed that my hCG levels did rise, but nowhere near enough. My doctor says he’s 95% sure that it’s no good, but wants me to come in one more time on Wednesday for yet another ultrasound “just to make 100% sure”, which I think is stupid. I guess it’s because there was growth, even if it wasn’t enough, but I told him that I am reluctant to pay $200 for another ultrasound which is just going to tell us what we already knew anyway. He didn’t know that our insurance covers absolutely zip of all of this, so he agreed not to charge me for the ultrasound. Which is nice. I told him that I am happy to pay for everything that I think is necessary, but this one I just don’t. I know it’s done. I’ve known it for a week. So I’ll humor him, go in on Wednesday, and leave with a prescription for Misoprostol.
I’m also totally irked by nurses who don’t read the fucking file in front of them before they call with lab results. Case in point from today: “Hi Miranda, it’s Nurse So-and-So, and your numbers are great! Nice and high - 4600! You’re definitely pregnant!” Um. Thanks. Did you happen to see the results from last week’s test? If you had, I doubt you would be so excited. Call me back when you get a clue.
I’m actually doing okay with it, the fact that I am miscarrying again. I’m sad, but hopeful for the future. There’s nothing I can do to change this situation, so I just have to roll with it. I’m just annoyed at the “wait and see”, “one more ultrasound” crap. My doctor is a very nice man, very sympathetic, but he can’t really know how hard all the waiting and “what ifs” are for me.
