Seven Weeks:
Eight Years:
It was neat to get to go today, Hawk’s and my eight year anniversary, to see our baby’s heartbeat again. He (I really don’t want to call the baby “it”, so I feel like I have to pick one or the other, so to humor my husband I’m going with “he”) has grown quite a bit and measures 10mm from crown to rump, which is perfect for seven weeks along. He is the little blob between the two white “+s” on the picture. I think I can tell which end is his head, but, seeming as how I don’t have a degree in radiology, I think I’ll keep an open mind. The doc is thrilled for us and says everything is great.
Tonight we are going out to dinner to celebrate our anniversary, and the doc made sure to tell me “No champagne for you!” Damn. But I was expecting this and am totally cool with it. I may steal a sip or two of Hawk’s wine tonight, but overall I haven’t been feeling like drinking lately, so it’s all good.
For some reason this anniversary is feeling particularly special to me. I think because I’m pregnant, it is just reminding me of how far we have come together. We have been through so much these past few years and have come out the other side stronger and more in love than ever. Hawk has been there for me every step of the way, and now we’re entering a new phase of our partnership together. It’s really very exciting!
Happy Anniversary, love. You are my world. I am so happy to be building our family together. I know you hate it when I say this, but thank you for loving me. I am the luckiest woman in the world.
in My Love and Pregnancy.
Feeling pretty good today, but yesterday I almost threw up in Baby Gap. I was doing a little celebratory “We Saw the Heartbeat” shopping. I was fine and all of a sudden I got this crazy wave of nausea that had me desperately glancing around the store looking for an acceptable place to throw up. Thankfully, it passed, because that would have been a little embarrassing. However, my husband did point out that that probably happens in there all the time, what with all the pregnant women shopping and all.
I am wrestling with the two parts of me: the ecstatic part that is excited to be a mom and the prospect of growing this little person inside me and wants to tell everyone I meet about it, and the cautious part that is terrified of losing the baby and being heartbroken and having to tell all my family and friends and break their hearts too. I know, believe me I KNOW, that it is still very early, I am only six weeks along and anything could happen at this point. I just have to believe that staying positive and optimistic is the best way to get through these uncertain times.
Going baby clothes shopping yesterday was a small way of doing just that. As I was carefully sorting through the teeny onesies and itty bitty pairs of pants, I smiled, imagining my son or daughter (we’re not going to find out the sex before the baby is born) in these cute little outfits, and it made me really really happy.
in Pregnancy.
I saw my baby’s heartbeat this morning :) It was the coolest fucking thing ever.
I was a total wreck when we were in the room waiting for the doctor to come in. I couldn’t stop crying and told Hawk that I couldn’t imagine a good outcome, because I’d never gotten one before. I didn’t know what it looked like, what it felt like. But doctor came in, in went the wand, and right away when the sac came in to view, there was a little blob in the upper right part of the sac, with a little *flickerflickerflicker* in the middle of it. The heartbeat. The most beautiful sight I have ever seen. I immediately burst into happy tears.
Introducing the newest member of the Hill-Corbell family, due January 13, 2009:
in Pregnancy.
Morning sickness approaches. I didn’t puke this morning, but the nausea had me running for the bathroom thinking I was going to.
in Pregnancy.
There’s something so awesome about a Senator who is willing to call Bush on his bullshit. In those exact words.
in Political.
It seems that, overnight, some magical gnome replaced my small, humble breasts with those of a pregnant woman. Ginormous and f’ing tender as all get out.
Five weeks today.
in Pregnancy.
Ultrasound this morning went well. My doctor said it’s still far too early to see anything other than the gestational sac, which is exactly what we saw. He said it’s appropriately sized for how far along I am, which, as he reminded me repeatedly, isn’t very far. He also gave us the print out of the ultrasound, which I’m taking as a good sign, since he’s never done that before. We’re going back in a week for another scan, and he said he wants to see growth of the sac and a heartbeat - actually “I expect to”, is what he said, which I’m taking as another good sign.
Not as good of a sign? Him writing “threatened abortion” and “high risk pregnancy” on my chart. I guess he has to, given my history, but ouch.
in Pregnancy.
Things are (seemingly) progressing swimmingly in the neverending saga that is my uterus. I called my nurse this morning and begged to come in for another blood test because I was having a total panic attack over pregnancy symptoms that aren’t as strong as I would like them to be. Just got the results back and the results are very good, so that is reassuring. Plus, my levels are high enough now that we can go in for an ultrasound, so instead of Friday, we are going tomorrow morning. It will be too early to see a heartbeat, but hopefully we’ll be able to see an embryonic pole and a yolk sac, which are the first signs of development.
This is HARD, y’all. I am trying to stay positive and excited and optimistic but it’s really really hard. I swing wildly back and forth between ecstatic and terrified, and this morning I ended up on the “basketcase” end of that spectrum. Right now I just want the crazy symptoms to start so I know that my body is working the way it should. Remind me I said that in a couple weeks when I’m projectile vomiting every morning.
Please keep Hawk and I and our little one (aka our “Poppy Seed”, because that’s about how big he/she is right now) in your thoughts. And thank you all for your support and your kind words. They mean more to me than you know.
in Pregnancy.
